MY HEART IS ACHING, it aches terribly......:(

i feel like crying this very instant.
harp, pl cherubs had a silver for syf.
i was just grabbing the hand rests on my chair as the person announced the results for the violin/string ensemble for the junior colleges. many had gold with honours. like victoria jc? the one sitting in front of us..the girls and guys screamed like madness when they heard their school name followed by a gold with honours.
i was like holding xue lin's arm when the person announced "harp ensemble, paya lebar methodist girls' secondary school. silver." i just let go. and stared. i just felt shocked. everyone was in shock. total aftershock. we just couldn't believe it. the seniors and junior helpers started crying. the two sec 1s who helped us, their tears just started flowing and flowing and flowing and flowing...
nanhua sec school had gold. that was another thing that we were shocked of. we know we tried our very best! and i smiled all the way throughout the whole competition which was the first time in my entire secondary life smiling while playing the harp. and i put in extra effort to feel and move with the music and just enjoy it. not trying to feel nervous with all the eyes on us.
but....... we still had silver. and that's that. pl cherubs had a silver. we had a silver. my heart still aches. we have practiced so very hard just for that 7++ minutes. and then we got a silver. i just can't understand and i want to hear the judges comments. why? why did they award us with a silver? i just couldn't understand!!
when we left the singapore conference hall, on our way up the bus, the bus driver was like "girl ah. xiao xing bo li ar. bu yao nong puo wo de bo li hor".. its like all of us are in such a bad mood already. and the bus uncle is like telling us to hold onto our harps so as to not hit his glass? this is the first time i hear a bus uncle complaining about this type of thing. isn't it obvious? we will hold onto our instruments when the bus moves?? urgh! he even said that he want to talk to our teacher-in-charge.
the bus ride home was very very quiet. nobody had the mood to talk. we were just in a state of shock. we were all expecting gold or gold with honours. never a silver. NEVER. but, the reality said that we got a silver. on the bus ride back to school, i just hugged onto my harp and looked out of the window, there was a moment when i was crying to myself in the bus. thinking what did we, the harp girls, done wrong to get a silver for the syf? how could we? i just couldn't understand. and miss adeline loh was like encouraging us. saying that the results don't matter. all that matters is that we know we have done our best! the bus ride to s.c.h was so lively and everything. people were having their last-minute make-up touch ups. and everybody was like trying to recall the syf piece and playing them.
anyways, when we reached school, we changed back into our school uniform, tried to rub off our thick make-up and some went home while some went to sakura for buffet dinner. i had tennis thus i couldn't join them for dinner and i don't think i would have the mood to anyway. was going to the side gate when dawn told me that emily was finding me. i thought they would be in the canteen. and i saw isobel and cheryl standing there, talking. i just approached them and they started talking and encouraging me. as they talked, my tears started trickling down. then, blossy came running towards me and hugged me. think she saw the tears and started waving a paper she was holding at me. she waved it so hard that the tears was sucked back in, it just dried up. lols! then, emily came and talked to me and encouraged me while carrying her heavy bags and stuff. i just started to cry even more as she talked. i just couldn't help but to cry. then as we were walking towards the gate, iso emily and blossy shouted from behind me 'we love you christabel!'. its so touching! btw, last year, we always did this when one of our clique was feeling sad. just then we saw shu wen and i just happened to know that she also cried about some GB stuff but i dunno what happened.. then we shouted 'we love you shu wen' as she was boarding the sbs bus and she said back to us 'i love you too'.. the three of them went off to the tennis court in wan lin's van when i walked home carrying my harp costume and with my make-up on.
when i went for tennis, i told myself to just forget about the syf thing and concentrate on learning new skills. but i couldn't. when i went in, wan lin cheered me up by using a trick that meena did on emily during math olympiad. i sort of knew it, that's why i didn't get a shock or freak out. they tried to cheer me up by making me laugh and i did. thanks a lot clique!! but a pity wan lin didn't join us for dinner at the hawker centre.
today, went to xue lin's house to do a project and seeing her reminds me of harp syf. we talked abt harp while doing the project and then we decided to play tennis for awhile. i vented all my anger and sadness onto the racket and hit the tennis ball with all my might. xue lin even hit a ball out of the court and it went missing. wei lin tried finding but couldn't. and we gave up finding that ball. we played till abt 6 then we went back to do the project until about 7.30, i left her house for my home.
k, i am like crying now. urgh! i can't stand it. oh LORD, please take my aching heart away.... please....